Guess What ?

How much can GOD love one person? I know it is infinite because of all HE does for me and others around me. GUESS WHAT? The doctors called yesterday and have a NEW medicine for me to take...not only that but it is pill form so my whole lifestyle should change for the better. Praise the LORD! I won't know until September 8th at my new appointment what is entailed. They want me to recover from this little poisoning event last week...me too! So thanks for all the prayer and continue to keep me on your prayer bench....I'm still in the game, just warming up for the main event...GOD IS GOOD! Have a blessed day...I will...and I am praying for you. LOL

I'm SO BLESSED!

Yeah! Bravo! I'm the man! I won something!!! You heard it here first...I received a phone call yesterday afternoon from a state watercolor society. (Can't divulge which state yet..sorry). I had entered one of my paintings into their annual national invitational and they informed me I received one of the awards. YEA!
This, of course, comes with a nice little prize package....I'll take all I can get. The reception and opening of the show is still a few weeks away but they wanted me to make plans on trying to be there to receive my award. GOD is good!
It is always nice to win something and it never gets old. I have been very fortunate over the years to receive awards at the larger venues.
Anyway I just wanted to share this good news with my friends and say this has made my day, week or more. I can show you the painting but I can't tell you where it was entered until after the opening reception. Thanks to all of you for comments and may you be blessed as much and more than I in your endeavors...praying for each of you. LOL

8%

Let's think about this for a minute...please. How great a number is 8 anyway? If we're talking 8 out of 10, it wouldn't be bad or even 8 out of 20 but when we start to get into 8 out of 50 or 8 out of a hundred, it starts to fade quickly ....right. Well they say I have an 8 % chance to live 60 months from time of diagnosis..(December of 07'). So everday I am either burning what daylight I have left and entering into never never land....maybe. Man's ways are not Gods ways...amen.
You and I need a paradigm shift....stay with me on this, please. What about the 92% we haven't mentioned yet!!! ??? WOW! What is being said is they have no chance of even making it the 60 months or near it. SHUT UP! Who is putting all these numbers and percentages out there to sway your mind?
Turning this around makes me happy I have an 8% chance to make it 60 months and longer.....even more important knowing that man can't even get the weather right, with all the stats we have for a century, really makes me get excited and say WHY can't I be in that 8% and once more WHO are they to lay this --------= on me or you? In those famous words..."I'm mad as HELL and I ain't going to take it anymore".! Keep your so called bad news to yourself and If you don't have something good to say to me....DON"T say anything at all..amen. WOW, I think I'm through preaching now but most of you get my point.
Some of these people want to lay these figures on you and I watch most people start to roll over and do as told. WELL, nobody knows the hairs on my head or the days I'll be on this earth except GOD. HE said it and I believe it, end of story.
If any of you are buying their textbook info, be sure you are guarding yourself well with the right outlook, mental and spiritual strength, and surrounding yourself with those who are in your corner to FIGHT to the bitter end. This is about you and not some textbook stats being correct. I've decided not to be in the 8 or the 92! They don't influence me ... I influence them! Let their numbers be changed because of you and me. God bless and THINK about it. LOL

Poisoned !

WOW WHEE!!! What a roller coaster the last four days have been....thank God it was me it was happening too and not one of you. I wouldn't have wished this on anyone.
Where do I start? Well you know the part about being somewhat sick over the chemo..right? What I didn't say was that Wednesday night I thought I was dying.. for real. It was pain, aches, anguish, angst, nausea, diarrhea and all over walking the floor in the dark all night! I cannot exaggerate enough. This was totally a new set of circumstances, during treatment, than usual. I came so close to ripping that pump needle out of my chest....thank God I didn't.
I found out yesterday, at the clinic, when they were unhooking me and asking were there any unusual things this time....phewf! Being smart mouth I wanted to say..."You mean outside of the nose bleeds, stool bleeding, headache, nausea, steroids racing through my veins so I can't sit still, no appetite or just the food tasting like chalk all the time?" ...but I didn't.
I just looked up and said, "Yeah there are a few things"...and they wanted the description. So , I proceeded to tell them. They finally stopped me in mid paragraph and went to get the Doctor's #1 RN. We started all over and she said, "My gosh! What was going on'? ahahahahahaha! RIGHT! She then proceeded to take blood and tell me to wait for the doc, who I never see when I get unplugged.
Later the RN returned to inform me I had a severe reaction..(HAHAHAHA) and it was a build up of the chemo poison in my system and the new treatment sent my body into a poison shock.....NO ------------! (Can I say that with dashes?). It will take me a few days to bouce back and they were sorry, that it must have been horrible feeling. blah, blah, blah.
So home I went and prayed that somehow God restore my strength and system sooner than later. GOD IS GOOD TO RICKY! I passed out about 3 a.m. and woke about 7:30a.m.....I've never felt more energetic in a long time and it is now 5:32p.m. and I'm still doing good. Thank You LORD.
Now I thank each of you for your support through this and could not have made it as well without you....I MEAN IT! God bless each and let me know when I can do my part on YOUR behalf.....in any way. LOL

Burning the Fog

Marina Sun
Originally uploaded by Ricky Holtman

Some days are foggier than others but yet if you will give it time the sun will always come through.
I had a foggy day yesterday and last night but I am praising the sun coming through today. The outlook is always different although both hold their own type of beauty.
The hot news about my gene test is I have the wrong one or it has mutated out of control for the chemo they were going to try....so on to the next battle. Doc said the chemo I'm on has stopped working so they're looking for something and for me to hang in there....like I got a choice.ahahaha.
My lungs sounded good to him and the CAT scans showed no new areas plus the tumors on my liver have maybe gotten 5 % bigger which is no big deal. He thinks I look healthy and they just can't figure me out...hahaha....People can't figure God out either and I keep hanging around HIM...so things are good for me.
They decided to go ahead with my regular three day chemo treatment so that I would have at least something in my system. WOW what a night....no sleep due to the steroids in it and I had nausea and all the good stuff......I think I am being poisoned! ahahaha...for those of you who don't know, chemo is poison.
Another day and maybe some rest and I will be good to go and maybe I'll take a ride on one of these boats in the picture.
I paint sometimes from memory when I can't get out of the house and this is one I painted the other day...watercolor. I thought you might enjoy it. GOD bless and thanks for all the prayers and good vibes you are sending my way.

'Tic Toc'

Are you ever able to close your eyes and hear 'Tic Toc'....maybe it's real quite at first but it's somewhere back there getting louder by the passing hour. Well I started hearing it yesterday....that great count down to Wednesday a.m. when I have another chemo treatment and hear about the CAT scans and DNA test on my genes.
Does this happen often in peoples lives....I think so, or at least in mine. It has gotten louder for me as the years have passed by. It's a good voice as long as we don't allow it to drag us in the negative direction. This is where your friends, community, and faith will play a major roll. Surround yourself with positive thinking people, books, movies and community events. Read often and aloud those things that will benefit your spirit and mind. When you are overflowing with this please share comments here with the rest of us so we can benefit.
Now the big question in my head, outside of the 'Tic Toc', is how am I going to react to the information I receive on Wednesday? Well after writing the above I believe I had better make lemonade out of the good news or make lemonade out of the sour lemons I may be handed. Either way I'm going to have lemonade that will benefit my mind, soul, spirit and body! In other words .... "It's a CHOICE" on our part so DO YOUR PART! Think about it....GOD bless.

Memories

My Mentor's Style
Originally uploaded by Ricky Holtman

Painting pictures like this are a healing process for me. I've spoken on this subject several times before. When I finished this I thought it would be nice to share it with my friends....YOU.
So get out there and do some journaling or even some art and you'll be blessed for it. GOD BLESS

Zennia Last Day

Zennia Last Day
Originally uploaded by Ricky Holtman

Loved doing this little watercolor sketch of some dead Zennia in my studio. The colors and texture will make a wonderful larger painting to me. The red ribbon was really a wild card. Enjoy,
Even in their last day they looked pretty to me with the muted colors.

CAT Scan Day

I arrived at the hospital around 6:30 a.m.. They drew some blood and then off to the races, down the hall to another room. Nurses were the only one there this early in the morning but they did my paperwork and I took a seat.
It's kind of ironic what happened next.....I sat there about 15 minutes and in walks this pretty nurse carrying the normal two big glasses of some ugly stuff to drink, Barium. Just guessing that the pretty nurse is suppose to offset the terrible tasting Barium..ahha. It didn't.
After waiting for 1 hour they called me in and proceeded to do the CAT scans. Of course I had to have iodine shot into my system for contrast so they poked me again with the needle. But this young lady was excellent because I didn't feel a thing. You know I just noticed how many times I use the word 'Young'...ahaha I must be getting old ???
Anyway, after two and one half hours I left and came home. It's been a good day and not many side effects except the diarrhea from the Barium. I saw quite a few people worse off than myself...if that's possible.
I just wanted to keep you updated on my trials. The doctor should tell me some results next Wednesday when I go in for chemo. God bless

Behavior ?

Everyone in the group seemed nice enough but their behavior was little stoic, staid, or maybe just a relaxed attitude. I felt maybe they all knew something I didn't know. What was this I was sensing.
After listening to the speaker I soon realized that it was their behavior toward one another and the way all of the new people were accepted to the group. Was this for real or some fake kindness? It felt good but yet how can all these people be acting with such unlimited inclusiveness into their circle of influence?
I needed to know how this was happening or what they were going to get out of it. Soon I came to realize that the speaker was speaking on this very subject.... "Your behavior is directly related to the thoughts you conceive....BUT....you will act on only those precepts you truly believe!" Further more these precepts have had to have already been experienced,to know the truth in them, or come from a source you believe is an authority.
So, I am old enough to know some things work and some don't by experience BUT I would love to know a source I could count on and circumvent a lot of mishaps and false starts in my life. The speaker then mentioned that this unlimited love for one another by this group was due to the words and precepts practiced in l Corinthians 13 of the bible. Then it all made sense to me that this group were all christians and were practicing their faith in the highest source of the land, GOD and HIS word.
They had found the Law of Reciprocity (Golden Rule) really works BUT first an individual had to put it in motion. You put out good thoughts you get good thoughts back. This is like planting seeds and waiting for the harvest out in the future. WOW!
I said I can do this!
Now you may know "the rest of the story".....All my blogs, for the most part, are attached to the above truth. Every time you purposely make someone else life better, you are really improving your own. So how about a kind word or act toward some one. This is really about loving one self. By the way....the above speaker was me and the group is my bible study group I teach every week.
Here's my seed planting for the day .....Remember that behavior is directly affected by what we believe....What are you believing in? I truly love all of you out there and from my beliefs, God loves you too. Have a great day.......I will.

Are YOU Drinking the Koolaide ?

Let's get into that day planner and start making plans. Who knows if any of us are here for another month, year or even tomorrow. So if you have been diagnosed with some ugly thing, and they're all ugly, don't stop living!
If you aren't careful you will drink the Koolaide.........let no one dictate to you how things are going to go. You have a choice in the matter!
Our creator made our bodies to regenerate themselves. Watch a cut heal and hair grow back. Our brain resets itself to help our bodies deal with any new information. The question is.....What information are you feeding it? Are you going to drink the Koolaide and go to the 'Killing Fields' or CHOOSE life? I've chosen life and will not entertain my thoughts, and subject my body, with any other speech and I WILL NOT allow others to entertain me, such as doctors, with their 'Koolaide Diagnosis'. If it isn't helpful don't dump it on my door step! Do for me what you can and I will enact my God given ability to have my body start the healing process. It may take a long time but if I don't waiver neither will the truth. God is good to me and others.
You are what you eat, listen too, look at, speak, and think! Never doubt it...THINK! Meditate on the above and start today with what you know in your heart is truth. Now go make some plans to do something next week, next month, and next year! Fill that day planner up and watch it come about step by step.....we need a purpose in life. Remember the body was made to regenerate itself, skin, nails, hair and etc.., but it cannot heal side effects.

Sweet Summer Rain

WOW! Early hours of the morning we had a great shower and it still is only in the 70's and it's approaching noon. Glory to God for the air cleaning system He has put into place. I love it.
This morning I was out walking early, early, with my Jack Russell and it was so cool, clean smelling, birds singing and so very refreshing. Every day could start this way for me, if it so be. To get that fragrance of clean in my nostrils takes me back.
Back to when my mom would hang out all the laundry on a clothes line. We had no drier then. After drying I loved to run through them. The sheets billowing in the breeze, and then stick my nose against them to smell.....so clean and refreshing.
I believe it's good to hold on to things that will take you to one of the happy times in your life. One of those things for me is the "Sweet Summer Rain". It takes me home, many years ago. I get refreshed and renewed in my body, soul and spirit. What's yours? God bless and happy trails.

Favoritism is Forbidden

Great lesson this morning from James chapter 2 of the bible. Playing favorites with people is forbidden! In other words no one is better or more important than others.....we are all equal regardless of gender, physical makeup, monies, education, place of origin, or color of skin.
This got me thinking about all this healthcare talk going on....especially when I'm in the middle of it, big time, the last 2 years. God forbid some individual is given the authority to grant the healthcare I need let alone want. How dare this individual or group have a different thinking, favoritism toward some ideology, that believes my life or medical treatment should change or stop at 50, 60 yrs of age, or any number! We already have this on the front end with abortion where the individual being aborted doesn't get consulted!!!
WOW.........I understand why 'Favoritism is Forbidden". Who would ever show you mercy to be treated according to your wishes or even allow you the right to live? What about that loved one that isn't deemed necessary due to cost on society or color of hair. Where and when would it end..........if ever! THINK