Friday, July 31, 2009

What a difference Friends Make !!

"Come over and have a cup of coffee this morning"....ever hear those words?
I don't very often but when I do there is always a blessing involved, on the other end. Personally I've taken friends for granted for too many years until I was diagnosed and have been wrestling with this thief..(Cancer).
But I've learned just how important friends are and can be...WOWOW! That includes you guys on this site also. Getting back to the story earlier mentioned...I went for coffee. Of course when I arrived they had bacon, sausage, eggs, toast, fruit and coffee.
It was a wonderful time and I felt 10 times better when I left than when I showed up. They can never know how much their hospitality means to us who are suffering in one fashion or another. These are christian friends so on the way out the door they prayed for me.....what a send off. GOD IS GOOD!
I pray you can call someone up and invite them over...or go out for a cola. Anything is great and both of you will be blessed
In the bible it states "we are to show hospitality at all time because we entertain Angels unaware".. Maybe you will be in this situation....think about it.
God bless.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Wild Thing?

There's an old song by that name...'WILD THING'. My doctor and I had kind of a heart to heart conversation yesterday...this is my chemo week.
He was telling about the chemo not being effective and that sooner or later, if that happens, I will just be off of it and that's how things are. Life will then play out as life always does. Then he proceeded to talk about scheduling me for CAT scans in two weeks. I haven't had one in 4 months. He wants to see what's going on inside of me.
He said I look so healthy but some of my test on the blood are in the low range etc. But he went on to talk about 'Oncogenes'. These are the genes that turn on or off cancer. He wants to test mine and see if I am a candidate for some new experimental chemo medicine.
The kind of gene I need is called 'Wild Thing', believe or not. I hope I have all this correct. Anyway I started thinking about the old song Wild Thing I think I love you.....(Showing my age now).
I turn all of this over to God and see what's on my plate next. Til then prayers as always and believing HIS every's worked for me for decades.
So think positive thoughts about 'WILD THINGS'...ahahaha
God bless

Monday, July 27, 2009


Do you ever think about pruning? I did some of it this morning. Finished up my back yard and now it looks clean cut, orderly, pretty, like someone takes pride in this yard, and most of all someone made it so things can grow better and be healthier.
Once in a while we need pruning. My personal life gets all cluttered with junk I brought on my self. But it finally gets so hectic I have to set down and start cutting ties to certain projects and people. Why do I do this to myself? What's even worse is I keep repeating the process.....isn't that a definition of insanity?
So, the word for the day is 'Pruning'....when your life is in chaos think about a little pruning job on yourself. If your really up for a great pruning job to be done on you allow the 'THE MASTER' (Jesus) to prune you. This is done by spending a little daily time in the word so it can cut all that clutter out of your mind, soul, and spirit. It works! By the way I had to let him prune on me some this morning after I got done with the yard.
You know the old saying...'What's good for the goose is good for the gander'. When was the last time you allowed God's word a few minutes of your day to set things right for you???? God bless and have a great day...I WILL!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Putting on the Game Face

RUN DON"T WALK TO THE NEAREST CURE! The crowd was not bad but unfortunately it was larger than last year. Purple shirts everywhere along with the purple cowboy hats that they wanted us to wear this time.
Of course I am talking about the American Cancer "Run for Life" outing here in my area. I did go and had the free meal, got the shirt, and met some new friends. One of them is what is called a 'Hero for Life'. He spoke about his walk with cancer, the experimental medicine that may have cured him. GLORY TO GOD.
After the event last night I got to thinking about all of it and what exactly is this Walk or Run For Life event? What are people really thinking? What about us older adults, the younger adults, and most of all to see a young face wearing a purple Tee Shirt?
Awareness is brought to our frailty and demise, sooner or later. Not only for us who are in the shirts but also our beloved 'Caregivers'. Then of course I feel like some of the rest are onlookers of this herd of purple. God only knows what is really going through their heads. I used to be one of the latter.
I have found, for me, that the closer to the inner circle that people are the greater the hope and grief exist for you and them. This presents quite a paradox in everyone's world. Can both exist harmoniously?
So was there harmony at last night's event? I think there was for that small moment in time. But truthfully many were putting on their Game Face.
Personally I pray that the crowd of purple is smaller next year due to this experimental medicine that is suppose to Cure. This medicine only comes about with your help of finances so please, if you feel led, donate to the American Cancer Association.
The only way that I want to see a larger crowd in purple shirts is to celebrate that big word that is on the back of them........."SURVIVOR". For me, as a christian, by God's Grace may I become what HE calls in the Overcomer'. I'm striving to be the Overcomer not just a Survivor. God bless you on your walk with this or any situation. Please leave comments and questions. Share with us your situation.

Thursday, July 23, 2009


Originally uploaded by Ricky Holtman
There he sat, by the overpass bridge, leaning against the light signal post. Beard untrimmed and clothes very worn but he was not dirty. Always looking at the ground instead of the passerbys. The cardboard sign in hand had the word 'HUNGRY" scribbled on it......right below that were two more words..."SEMPER FI". What I did next, when I got beside him at the stop light, is my business....He was a Vietnam Vet.
This had to be done with and ink pen and in my moleskine book...NFS. I couldn't get his face out of my head til I put it in the book...with honor. Just when I think I have problems the LORD allows me to see a different type of suffering and I see better then. GOD BLESS
7th and Broadway, K.C. Missouri.

Jul22Art Capt Elaine

Originally uploaded by CaptElaine
I kinda like how my fish turned out... Hey guys look at this sketch from one of our very own. Isn't this great!!! You talk about cheering you up, if this doesn't do it I just don't know what will. The art here is definitely a healing piece and I'm sure a healing process.
Maybe we'll get lucky and have Elaine comment. By the way I borrowed this off her site without asking...........Elaine forgive me but I just had to post it.
I'll delete it if you want but don't be mad at me.
God bless and all of you get out there and write and doodle....use Elaines here as an example.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

My Caricature Bird Friends

There I was in the middle of the woods enjoying the cool of the air and the sounds of nature. I had no drive to draw but these guys kept getting louder and floating through the tree tops....that's right they were just kids. Trying to fly and look good for the day was not their best suit yet.
So I took out my pen to get even and only had the back of a email paper in my paper. I cut them out and here they are......caricatures for friends.
enjoy........This is really a healing process.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Turquios Skies

Turquios Skies
Originally uploaded by Ricky Holtman
This is a quick sketch I did while on vacation a few weeks ago. The sky was so turquoise color and my favorite birds, Ravens, soaring on the hot air currents. Man I wish I could soar like that. Ground colors are so magnificent there. I can't wait to paint this someday.
I did this in my aquabee, 5 X 7 sketch book. On this particular page I had a prior wash of matte medium and water before drawing. Ink and watercolor sketch outside of Taos, New Mexico. En Plein aire painting is always a treat for me.
Now go journal and some art if you want. GOD BLESS>

Saturday, July 18, 2009


We all have friends and some are more close than others. Two of mine are going through rough times since they have been told they are terminal. One was just told this past week.
So I was chatting with each separately and trying to give them some perspective from my own experience but who knows. The point being that the more we are up front and talking out loud the better it is for all of us. You just can't let the 800 pound gorilla to set around in the room all the time. We must kick its butt out the door and move on with what life we have left.
But from my view point we are all terminal and have been since the day we were born. If anyone has lived any amount of time and never knew that they were dying has been in a closet. Oh yes I know that we don't talk about it because the taboo is, that would be negative. The truth is it's freedom!
This freedom brings more concentration on the life we are given and how precious it is. We must all redeem our time someday. The question will be what did you do with your time and I am not talking about all the work acquiring the mercedes or the big home. NO, I'm talking about the quality and joy of life that is there for each of us and especially in bearing one anothers griefs and joys.
I know we all can have our own little pity parties but get over it because you'll have the same problem as when you started and the pity party didn't do a thing for you.
Am I sounding tough here? I hope not. Maybe we'll call it tough love talk.....but I just believe, again my viewpoint only, that it is better to talk out loud and acknowledge that none of us know, with certainty, if we'll be here tomorrow or next month.
I had a friend ask how it felt being told you're terminal. So I gave him my terminal speil above and then asked him.."How's it working for you being terminal"? He, of course, didn't know what to say and left with a deep thinking look on his face.
Anyway, I hope you get the jest of my blog here.......God bless

Monday, July 13, 2009

Who is Looking over YOU ?

WOW! I was just sitting there, around midnight, on my easy chair. BOOM! , the whole house shook....I thought we had been bombed. My dog, Bandit, came running from his bed in a scurry and the wife was hollering from the bedroom as to 'what happened?'.
Well we all sat quietly waiting for the next sound but nothing came. So our scouting around the house, trying to figure out the shaking of our house and windows, started in great earnest. But nothing to be found but unrest for us all night... thinking we all imagined this great BOOM.
Daylight came and out the door Bandit and I went so he could do his duty. Across the street is the monument for our subdivision. To my surprise it was all busted up as if a car had hit it. Upon investigation there were no tire marks, umphf. Scratching my bald palate my eyes started wondering and behold! At a 45 degree angle and across the other street set a pair of big wheels off of an eighteen wheeler.......WHOA!
I got the neighbor up and the only thing we can figure is they came from quite a the interstate above us. Can you believe it? Upon inspection we could see the brakes, bearings, and apparatus were still attached to the drums. This was unbelievable because these double wheels are so heavy and coming at a high rate of speed and force to bust down a solid concrete and brick monument sign and then get back across the road to the location we found them....well it was too much to try and comprehend.
Thinking of how these could have come through a wooden wall of a home and killed any one of us was disturbing to say the least. The neighbors never felt or heard anything due to being asleep. But with the jolt that we and the house received made us even more thankful.
So Who is Looking over YOU? LIFE is so short! Well we took a few minutes and thanked God for our saving experience. I pray someone is always looking over all of us, even for the small stuff. LOL
Now go journal about something important to you this day....addios' me amigo.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

After the Party

There's always the time 'After the Party'. My party of chemo is over again, I think, because with lingering side effects it's just one of those things that just keeps on giving.
Anyway I feel so much better today than I have since last Tuesday...thank you Jesus.
This treatment seemed a little rougher than most.....don't know why. The diarrhea and constipation have been worse but if that's all I have to deal with bring it on........amen.
A buddy of mine was told this week that he may have prostate cancer and it has already moved to his lymph nodes and possibly his bones. God forbid! but can you believe the doctors laying that on you, sending you home for the weekend, and they haven't even finished the tests or gotten any definite answers back. So I spent some time trying to talk him back from the brink of total depression. Sometimes these doctors must get so jaded and speak to you like you're just another case. While all the time I am waiting for them to say NEXT! This isn't all the doctors but quite a few because I have fired a couple because of no HOPE in their speech toward me, so I said NEXT DOCTOR PLEASE!
The world is difficult enough with the diagnosis without having people who treat you almost indifferent.
Thank you for letting me get that out of my system but maybe you and others are going through this. IF you are I pray for all the positive things in the world to come your way and hope this community helps you somehow.
Let us all know!
Happy trails until I see you go journal or art. Thanks to all of you for your comments to the blogs.......YOU"RE GREAT!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Unplugged !

Imagine being tethered to a stake in the ground like a dog. You do move around some but not much and of course it is always something you must work around.
Your internal psyche is telling you that when it does a systems check that this does not belong.....disengage. It almost reminds me of the old program 'LOST IN SPACE'. If you remember the robot would go around saying..'DANGER WILL ROBINSON,Danger!'. Well that's about the way it is for me when I am on this chemo pump for three days.
My body is saying this doesn't belong here. So what does that have to do with 'Unplugged'? Well it is always a glorious day when I get this needle out of my chest and leave this pump with them....the doctor.
My system, if you will, resets itself and after little while the whole world starts to look different again and I am FREE AT LAST! THis is the day for my unplugging and then in a few days we repeat it until something changes. GOD IS GOOD!
Talk to you soon, til then get to journaling or doing your art because it promotes all types of healing.
Well I'm back and it's 4:25pm CST. My CEA test numbers were back from the lab and the tumor count went up to 9.1. They want it between 0 and 2.5. Praise God it wasn't a higher number. I'm off to draw and paint something....see you soon.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Good Day

Good morning group and hope all is safe and getting healthy. Just a note that I won't be blogging for a few days because I go on chemo again today for a while. I'll yell at you when I'm up and running.
God bless

Saturday, July 4, 2009

BANG! July 4th, 2009

Thanks to our creator for allowing us to have this holiday to celebrate the FREEDOM that many people on this earth know nothing about.
It rained about 2 inches here late last night but not until some people in the neighborhood set off lots of fireworks. It was banging and booming all around and my little Jack Russell was going bonkers with the noise. Then the poor guy got hit with lightning, thunder and can imagine his take on the holiday.ahaha
So what are you going to do today! Maybe you'll have family in or you'll go out and do something....whatever, be sure to journal and maybe try and sketch. Allow yourself to relax in the moment.
The last blog was about renewing and by allowing yourself to shed yesterday and tomorrow you can be in the present and relax with the now....get that healing and peace (Shalom) that we all need. Shalom is a term that means 'total peace' in every area and in every way of your life.
I'm going to post my newest painting from some sketches I did on our vacation in northern New Mexico.
God bless

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Renewing ?

Just what is renewing to you? It could be several things but I can only speak for myself. As a christian it means a renewing of my mind with the word of God. By doing this on a daily basis it becomes more and I become less. So what does that do for me and you?
When the mind gets renewed (whether positive or negative criteria) the body will follow! So if I want positive things I must ingest positive food and this causes healing mentally, physically and spiritually.
This not only effects me but my environment around me due to the law of reciprocation. Some of you may know this law in a different term such as...' what goes around comes around'.
So my goal today is to get you to ponder on these things and believe by taking action and watch things change for you. If you don't have this kind of material I would suggest the book of John in the New Testament of the bible.
When I was on vacation and viewing all the sights of God's creation it was a healing experience in every much positive to think upon and renew my mind. One such thought was..'how can anyone look upon these mountains and trees, skies, birds singing and flying around, the beautiful wildflowers and not believe that there is a supreme designer somewhere'. This did not all happen by chance and in my case I call that designer God of the bible.
God bless
Happy trails til we meet again.......I'm off to write and draw. You do the same.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Taos Ravens 1

Taos Ravens 1
Originally uploaded by Ricky Holtman
I just love these big ole Ravens. They are gorgeous to me and when they squawk their throat feathers ruffle all up giving them such texture. The sooty carbon black does show some beautiful colors in the wings if you look close.
The mountains are full of these guys and I couldn't get enough....
This is just a quick ink brush drawing done while they were fighting on top of a dumpster. I swear some of guys were the size of an old buick! ahahaha.
Enjoy if you like quick brush sketches. Do some sketching and get some healing going. God bless